Man in jail on domestic battery charge

A man found himself in trouble with the law last night in Culver City, California after apparently misunderstanding his wife’s verbal signals.  Police responded to a 911 call by Amy Songstress around 11:51 PM sobbing and crying, reporting physical abuse by her boyfriend.  According to reports, Ms. Songstress’ boyfriend allegedly “lied to, and burnt” her in their home last night.  Police responded to the scene and found Ms Songstress bloodied and curled up in a corner while her boyfriend was in the living room absolutely devastated and at loss of words over what happened.  The boyfriend, named Mr. Mike Slapahoe was arrested on battery charges and is awaiting trial.  Mr. Slapahoe issued the following statement in his defense.

“I’m thoroughly astonished at the events that have unfolded in the past 24 hours.  I came home and found my girlfriend singing, “just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts…..just gonna stand there and hear me cry, well that’s alright because I love the way you lie ”  At that point I proceeded to our bedroom and got a curling iron and burned her skin repeatedly.  She asked me if I loved her, and I declared my sworn hate for her.  In reality, I love her and I hated burning her, but at the same time, I’m a man who likes to keep his woman happy, so I lied to her and kept on burning his skin with the curling iron.  Did I like doing it? No, but did I have a choice?  I dont think so”

The lines inciting this mind-boggling crime are from Rihanna’s song, “Love the way you lie” and has reportedly led to many instances of domestic abuse in the name of love and understanding.  Ms. Rihanna issued a statement condeming all acts of violence, unless they are committed against her face.  Furthermore, Chris Brown has vowed to foot the bill for Mr. Slapahoe’s defense.  We will update you on the situation as we learn more.