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If Cricketers Were On Twitter

January 5, 2013

This post will cover presently-playing cricketers.  We will cover the legends in a separate post.

1) Younis Khan

Considering his retirement history, be sure to know that Younis Khan will constantly deactivate and reactivate his Twitter account.  Every time he tweets something funny and his minions don’t RT him, Younis Khan would quit saying, “o yar, RT karna tha. its EASY PEASY.. par tum log nahi kartey. That’s disrespectful. GOODBYE!!!”

2) Shahid Afridi

His Twitter account will be a marathon of hits and misses.  He’ll have tweets worth their weight in gold and then some tweets that make you pull your hair out.  Tweets like “just took a shit” will be plenty.  He will have more RTs than a cute hijabi does on a Friday for every single tweet. Women will follow him like flies follow honey.

3) Kamran Akmal

Kakmal’s twitter will be a marathon of misspelled words and DROPPED vowels.  Don’t ever expect a perfect tweet from Akmal, you are bound to be disappointed.  His tweets will sound like this: “Vry gud bwlig”

4) Shoaib Malik

His Twitter account will be the pride of all Pakistanis.  He will talk shit about Indians and get RTed by Indians as well.  Jeewey Cheetah jawaan!

5) Misbah ul Haq

He will stay on Twitter for 15 years, and produce about 7 tweets.  His tweets will be excruciatingly long and boring, but they’ll be meaninful.

6) Nasir Jamshed

All his tweets will be about food.  “had paaye”, “Just had ice cream”… “It’s cold, must have halwa.. burrrrrr”… His favorite food will be “Indians on a stick”

7) Saeed Ajmal

His tweets will be a mixture of old-school charm and utter genius.  No one will ever troll him, for fear of being castrated with a succinct reply.

8) Umar Gul

His tweets will all be in pure pushto.  No one would understand what he’s saying, but every one will understand the naswaar references.

9) Mohammad Hafeez

In line with his “Gali-ka-captain” philosophy of batting and bowling first himself, Hafeez will spend his day on twitter tweeting, replying and retweeting himself over and over again. Eventually, people will get tired of his big-headed approach to life, but he will still be loved for being successful.

10) Imran Farhat

Farhat’s tweets will be absolutely idiotic.  He will tweet stuff like, “oii maaa… sardi”  but will still be popular on Twitter cuz he’ll be constantly getting RTs and FFs from his uncle and father-in-law

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One Comment
  1. Hassan permalink

    Brilliant, btw my analogy (ignore it if doesn’t make any sense) –> “cricketer who plays with the intention of improving his batting avg only” are like “guys sensitive about their followers/following ratio (will follow you but once you follow them back they will unfollow you)”
    I don’t watch cricket regularly so don’t know which pakistani batsman can fit in here but still..

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